My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
