I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
