It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
