just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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