i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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