I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
