Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
