Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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