I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
