and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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