Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
