I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
