Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
