Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Let's paint friendship bongs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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