Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
