i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
