Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
