Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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