Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I intend to get homeless drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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