whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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