Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
