apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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