at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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