You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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