So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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