I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
