I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my being single is dangerous.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
