My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She even gives head with a lisp.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
