are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
