Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
