the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
