batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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