Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
