New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
