its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Watching her eat just hurts me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
