She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
