her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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