I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
