Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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