did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
