did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
