You're so nebulous sometimes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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