Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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