I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
