Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
