Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So much rum. So many feels.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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