I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
