I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
