So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my being single is dangerous.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
