Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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