Your mouth is God's brothel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
