Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
