So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
