I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
