No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
