her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
