He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
